Merry Christmas

I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas! I am amazed that another year has passed! And so much has happened! My book is finally out (yes I had to say that) and it's been really great to go around to different places to talk about how it all came about. I am getting to meet a lot of different people, which is really great. The other day, when we were done setting up the tree (I believe and don't quote me on this, Tasha please) my philosophical daughter mentioned that she couldn't believe another year had passed. I have to agree with her. I'm older!!! (No comment Sue!) I'm wiser (maybe!) and I'm still learning just how great God is. I don't think we'll ever stop learning just how awesome He is.

Logan and I were reading in our history book today (that was before he got me to continue to read another story to him, that sneak!) that God sent the Israelites into the desert for them to learn about just how great He is. Some may beg to differ. I have to agree. I am still learning how much I can depend on Him, and Him alone. When I have exhausted all the angles, He steps in and lets me know that He was just waiting for me to step out of the way so His work stands. I always love that one.

But I digress... Although not completely! After all, there is a reason why my family and I are making the 6 hour trek up to Quebec this year to spend CHRISTmas with Tom's family up there. I get so stuck thinking about my petty things (and they are not petty to me by all means, they are monumental at the moment they happen) when all I have to do is to step aside. There is a saying in our house, God's got it! I truly believe that. After all, I have a house! I have furniture! I have a Christmas tree!

Whenever I write (and those of you waiting for cards, sorry, but I don't write) I learn things about myself. Lately I have been really thinking about that contentment. I think at Christmas we can get so focused on the things (yes I certainly can!!) that we forget about being content. Does being content have to do with me being happy? I used to think so. But lately as I write another story (that's 22 for those who are counting) I find that contentment has nothing to do with the circumstance I'm in. I guess to some degree it does, but that real contentment, the one that I feel deep in my heart, that comes only from one source. And that source humbled Himself and was born of man, and we celebrate that He came every year.

When things don't go my way (shocker! I know) I still have the ability to be content. I can choose to throw a hissy fit (yeah that never happens) or I can just know that this isn't what is going to happen in my life. Sometimes it's real easy to throw a hissy fit (wouldn't know about that, you understand all this is hypothetical). But as I'm about to blow my top, do I take a moment to think about how my blowing my top affects others? Myself?

Of course not!

So, I wish you contentment. Real contentment this year. It's worth the persuit. Happiness is just circumstantial. Joy and contentment are a much deeper, more lasting thing. And I celebrate the chance to have joy and contentment because Christ was born in a manger. No, He wasn't born on Christmas day! But that doesn't matter to me. He was born, in a food troth for animals. And He gives me a chance to live beyond the happiness, to be content. That does it for me!

Have a wonderful Christmas. And to my friends and family in Germany I wish them all a Frohe Weihnachten. I miss you all!

It's finally done

Hello everyone. I just want to wish everyone a happy fall. I know. It's been a long time and I apologize. I have been a little busy. Things have gone really well for me for a long time. I want you to come with me as I explain. This is all about the book (sorry, house is doing well. We have a bathroom room set up and it will soon be a working bathroom, hopefully!)

In the late summer my first editor was done with her wonderful edits. I was so excited that she had taken the time to sit through what I wrote. And I was researching printers. And of course... Nothing was coming together. The publisher I thought I was supposed to use was outrageously expensive and the whole thing didn't sit well with me. On one thought, I wanted them to publish the book. They are a big name independent publisher, one that a lot of big time Christian authors use. But there was just so much doubt. The we researched another printer, which was expensive. Again, frustration and doubt began to grab me, for a moment. And then I remembered that I am not the one Who was writing and publishing this and again, peace came over me. And not this happy feeling. It was a deep conviction that I was not alone in this, that there was a plan for this. I researched something called Create Space, which I had known about from the beginning. They were fast and they didn't charge me for anything. If I want to buy a book, I have to pay, but a reduced rate, something that Tom and I could live with.

I was all set to put it on Create Space, when an old friend contacted me through facebook. Our daughters had been great friends growing up and we had been through many bible studies together. He saw that I was working on publishing a book and asked if I wanted him to have a peek at it, he has some experience with editing and such. I took a deep breath, turned to my husband, who respects this man a whole lot and asked what I should do. We prayed about it and a few days later Tom suggested I give him another story. And the I thought, no! I have to give him the skating story! I did and he worked hard on it.

When I got his edits I freaked!!!! I didn't expect there to be so much. And then I worked through them and turned a really good story into a great one. With the help of everyone this story is something I am so proud of. And then... my daughter's cover came together. Wow! The model we used is a beautiful Christian girl who exemplifies what I thought of my main character to be. So now... I am happy to present (drumroll, please!)

https://www.createspace.com/5700472

I invite you to visit my page and to go to Amazon, where you can have a peek inside. But if you don't want to, here is a quick description of the story.

Jacqueline Chevalier has it all. She is one of those girls you see in a magazine and wish you were her. She has everything a sixteen year old girl would want. She is an international figure skater at the top of her game. She lives a dream. Her family has riches and power. With that status, Jacqueline is expected to look the part, play the part, and be the part for family and country. But something is missing in her life that fame, fortune, and power can't provide. She feels lonely, unloved, and out of place in her family's picture-perfect image. She is frustrated about her parents refusal to allow her to pursue her dream, once her skating career is finished. When she makes the acquaintance of a set of twins, Grace and Brian Spencer, Jacqueline discovers that they have what is missing in her life. They have a relationship with each other that Jacqueline doesn't have with her brother and sisters, and especially not with her parents. Jacqueline craves that close relationship her new friends have with each other and with their parents, even though she knows that her family is different, that they have responsibilities to the citizens of their country. Just that alone prevents them from being a happy, normal family. She struggles with this as she watches her friends. Jacqueline wishes that she could be part of their close family because her parents' high standards of perfection and performance is exhausting. And then there are the expectations she puts on herself! Her life as a top skater leaves her no time to be what she really is - a teenager. When her parents reward her for finishing up her high school examinations with distinction, they take her on a holiday that includes a visit to her friend's hometown, Dubai. Her friends show her the best their town has to offer and a very strong friendship develops between the three of them, something that she has never allowed herself to experience before. On top of everything, Jacqueline makes discoveries that leave a deep impact on her as she watches and talks to Grace, whose standards are different than anything Jacqueline has ever thought of. She starts to learn that perhaps she is not as alone as she has thought. Her life changes when the family continues their holiday in the States. She accepts an invitation from Grace and Brian to spend a week on their grandparent's ranch, catching cattle and riding all day. She finds something more than the desire to have a close relationship with her parents. She finds that her perspective starts to change, that she no longer longs for a relationship with her parents, but that she now has something more to look forward to. It sets her up for an adventure that will last her life... and more.

Of course I want this to be a best-seller. Who doesn't. But there is something more important for me in this. If only one person reads this story and is touched by it, then I will be more than happy. And now I am going to enjoy myself. I am working on a website that is not up yet. I still have to upload this so that it is available on Kindle, which will happen this week.

 In the meantime, life does go on. Tasha dressed up at work for Halloween. She was Robin. Yeah, cute right? Everyone was dressed as a superhero. Very funny, really.

 As to this picture. My husband, el buss drivero, has to bring his sweet ride home. Talk about going on a date in style in that thing!!! It seats 70+ people and we had to have room for him to park it. So, we had someone straighten out our driveway and widen it. Sweet. We can now park all 3 cars and one bus next to each other! Yeah, things are looking up.

This is a typical day at the house. We bought a new generator (and it's really quiet. I'm sure our neighbors thank us for it) and now... they are driving cars and being chased by the police, smash each other and play other ridiculous games. It's like we never left Bristol. Oh yeah... there is no bathroom!



Have a wonderful day. I know I am.

Family

Hello everyone,

B-day dinner at: McDonalds! We are
stylish!

I am so sorry that it's been such a long time since I have posted a blog. I just haven't really had a lot to talk about, I thought. That's not true, of course. There is a ton to talk about. First of all, I am so excited that school is finally done with for this year! Yes, we were evaluated and it went better than I expected it to. After all, it was an off year for us. We did more reading and talking than anything else. Logan likes to talk and listen. He's a great kid. Love him to pieces.

Computer time!

Things have been intense. For me at least. Since last I spoke to you, I just have been writing and writing, pouring myself out in words that aren't really mine. It is amazing to see what comes together. To date (now please don't flip out) there are 14 stories (100 thousand words each) written. And the stories just keep coming. It is amazing! I'm not saying that for you to go: Oh mighty Anne. We bow before you. That is not why I share this. It is simply to show, there ain't time to write this blog. No, kidding! (This is Tom... had to sneak this in here... she said, "ain't... ain't, ain't a word and she teaches Logan English.  ha ha ha.  I used it twice!).

We are in summer mode now (which this year doesn't seem any different than spring mode, just more time to write). The weather is nice, sometimes really nice (I think) and others downright cold (I know). Tom is off for the summer, and that is pretty strange in itself even though I see a lot of him. Now, he is around. And around. And it is kind of nice. There isn't the rush to get him to the bus in the morning if Tasha happens to have to work in the morning. I have had the pleasure to be able to make dinners more than three times in a row because Tasha takes the car at night to go to work. No need for me to go in. Ahhhh, the luxury to just write and write and write. Oh, and there is dinner too. Hm! That usually puts a dent into my writing time, making me slightly cranky (I know, you can't picture that one. Me, cranky?)

I love you so much!

This weekend we had the chance to visit with family. Although the occasion was less than pleasurable, it was a time that I personally cherished. And so as I sat down to write this blog, I thought what wisdom I could bestow upon my followers of this ostentatious blog (that's what I do: I shed wisdom). It came to my mind, to ponder about family! Hmm. Sure. Family.

Boys killing each other. Go Halo! Yeah
I don't know what to say about that!

I certainly didn't choose the family I was born into. And they didn't choose me! But we all had to get along (to some extent and some loud words and other things too. Hey, Eiki. Don't interrupt me while I am having a very pleasant dream which includes Black Beauty! Be warned, again!). As I grew up, I began to realize something very important about the family I had been born into.

I began to realize that even though nobody's upbringing is ever perfect (Sean and Tim called me The Robot!!!) there is something about realizing that God put you into the family you were born into. Before I was born, my Savior decided to put me into the family I grew up in. He gave me a chance to come to know Him, through situations that were beyond my control. He gave me a chance to show love and to forgive. I have a thing about forgiveness! Without that, we would all be in deep doodoo.

You can't choose your family! That is a good saying. But we can make the best of our family because we are told to. The Bible talks about family a lot. There is the family of believers, which is so very important. Christ also addresses the natural family. Although some of the things he talks about family isn't all that edifying or seems so (although everything God does has a point and is edifying for us) He gives some great pointers. Children honor your father and mother. Why? So that it is well with you on this earth!

My adoptive dog Bucky

Hmm... I haven't always honored my parents. There are moments when the words that come to mind
are less than flattering. But, there is the flip side of the coin. I love the family I have been born into. I love that I can go to them and be myself. I can cry, when I am down, and they know me! I don't have to put up a brave front... pretend to be this super-mom, super-pioneer, super-anything. They will love me, no matter what I can or cannot do.

God is just like that. I love that about Him. He is a Father, the Father. I can come to Him

Having a cup'er with my computer

when I have a really bad day.  He expects me to be humble, to be led by the Spirit, by Christ in me. And when I have a moment, because things aren't going my way (which we all know happens very rarely) I am reminded that I am not alone. I have something much more precious than gold to guide me out of the muck I am about to step into. And if I choose to listen (yeah, not so good at that some times) things strangely go a lot better for me than if I plow my own way through the mess.

So family... I love family! They show us our faults, our issues. In the past I have been less than humble (hey, I know... big shock!). I am learning to be humble and still before my God, Who is so willing to guide me, to walk through my troubles with me. And He is waiting for me at the end of the rainbow, cheering me on. I have been blessed with the family I was given. I have been blessed with the family I married into, and I am blessed to belong to the family of God!

This weekend I had it all. Well, I missed my given family, but my sister was there! Right with me on the road and in thought. I knew it and could feel her. I spent time with the family I married into and what a nice thing that was too. Then I was blessed with spending time with the family God chose for me! Hoorah! What could be better than that!

Bathroom=porch!

Bathroom!

My prayer for you is that you enjoy the family you have been given. Time is too short on this earth. They aren't all that! Sometimes they can be downright hurtful. But they are there to be loved, to be cherished. And sometimes having a distance is a good thing, to regroup and heal. To my family, which is too numerous to name.. I love you and I cherish every one of you.

Honestly, I love you guys!!!

Bathroom or porch! Hmm, you decide!

That patience thing again!

 I wish you all a happy New Year (I know, it's the middle of February!).  But anyway, I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday.  We did.  We spent it with the Perreaults and it was again a lot of fun.  It's great to see all the cousins come together and hang out.  But that was indeed a long time ago.  A whole month!  A lot can happen in that month!

I want to first update you on the status of the house.  Yes, we are actually moving forward.  Every step is a forward step, really.  We have been trying to keep up with the wood to keep warm.  No, we

weren't able to get all the wood we needed to heat the house this summer because Tom worked so many hours.  I am not one of those chainsaw toting, ax-swinging wives.  I will support my husband while he swings his ax and chainsaw with prayers and hugs when he stumbles back into the house without blood gushing from a wound.  I observe from a distance.  So while we have been able to find wood to burn to keep us warm, it also keeps us busy.  Sometimes too busy.  But it's all good, really.

As you can see that even in the dead of winter my boys are out there.  Tom and the boys have started on the addition to the house that will soon (hopefully) become our bathroom.  It is so exciting to see.  I have forgotten how fun it is to see these things go up.  We didn't cut our own

wood because we barely can keep up with the heat demands.  So we cheated!  Bought the wood.  Hey, it's all right!  Anything to get this thing done.  Tom and Logan were up there in pretty cold temperatures getting the structure up.  When Sean has time he gives a helping hand.  Tash and I are huddled inside under blankets, reading or writing.

So, we come to the part of the blog that really doesn't have anything to do with building a house or living in a half built house.  Been there, done that.
My life has to go on.  And it does.  We all know that I have been so blessed recently that I have found someone who would publish my book.  Tom started reading it, and although he complained a little bit at the beginning that it was not written for him (no duh!) he is getting into the story and has given me some really good pointers to make the story a whole lot better.  But he is still working on it!  And still working on it!

In the last couple of months or so it has been very difficult for me to be patient.  I know, that is a shocker for those of you who know me really well.  My father and I are really patient.  Hey, I hear you snickering!  None of that!

  Before my birthday I started thinking a lot of what will happen when my poor computer, which had been such a blessing to me, would die.  I had to face the fact that at 13 years old, it really wasn't going to be around much longer.  So talking to Tom, he told me not to worry.  I would get another computer.  Well, it happened!  My computer died.  It died as I was writing a story that was pretty difficult to write.  I had backed it all up, thought!  Yeah, I'm learning.  I had a new computer within a month.  I couldn't believe it.  It was great and it is a really nice computer.  So now we have four computers in the family.  And it calls for interesting evenings.  Everyone is glued to their computers.  I love it because for the first time I can write at home and my computer works without having to charge it continually.
  Back to the patient thing.  The thing is I have given my writing completely to God, but sometimes I still want a piece of it.  I want to hang on to it.  With Tom taking his time editing, it has me grounding my molars and twisting my hands, waiting impatiently for him to finish his part.  Then there is the whole publishing nightmare!  I know I have a publisher, who will publish this story for a fee.  That is no problem.  The problem is that every time I try to get together with her, something comes up!  We don't meet.  I am paying attention.  It is possible that God does not want me to go with her, for some reason.  Her job may just have been to give me the reassurance that I can get this published.  I don't know.

A few weeks ago I contacted another publisher.  Sean had mentioned that Zondervan, a huge Christian publishing company (if you have a bible it was published by Zondervan), is looking for new authors.  I go onto their website and check around, not sure what I should do.  But I sign up with West Bow, a division of Zondervan for self publishing, and talk to a rep.  Yes, they would publish me no problem.  They would be a lot cheaper and there would be a lot of options with them.  They send me the contact and Tom and I go through it.  It is so confusing!  Neither of us has a good feeling about this. But I want it!  I am ready to sign.  Tom is cautious, very cautious!

My problem is, once again, that I really want to go out there and make my mark!  I want it so bad that I don't care if the company takes most of the profits on top of charging me for the printing and such. So Tom and I get into the repeated argument.  You are not moving quick enough! (That would be me) and It's not time for a publisher yet! (That would be Tom).  My patience was wearing extremely thin!  I start to think that my husband is standing between me and my dream.  He is holding me back!  Then I am reminded of how if I had listened to him ten years ago, I would have been spared a lot of heartache and trouble.  I hope you can feel my frustration.

On top of everything there was confusion.  Researching the publishing industry and trying to figure out what my next move was sent my into confusion.  Things were just not lining up with the way I thought they should be.  Now there is a statement, that is pretty true.  "If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plan."  Well, I was trying to tell God my plan!  I didn't exactly hear Him laugh though.

What He did do was keep reminding me, that He hasn't forgotten about me.  So many times when I just want to throw in the towel and say that I give up.  That I really have NO business writing and trying to get something published!  So I start to listen to the enemy.  But God comes through with His little love messages to me.  The other day I was confused, distraught and just done.  I knew that I would never get published.  I go on Facebook and there is a message for me.  "I have made you and I will carry you;  I will  sustain  you and I will rescue you."   Little love messages in the everyday life aimed right at my heart and I just stand there shaking my head in thankfulness.  I serve a great and powerful God!  Nothing is outside His control.

So here I am, confused and frustrated!  Things are just not moving fast enough and I can see my hope of becoming a best selling author slipping through my fingers.  Those love messages from God sustain me on some days but most of the days, I am focused so much on when that book gets published, that I loose the rest I have in Christ.  I know, shocking!  I go back onto the roller coast ride that I so don't like.  I focus on the here and now, not on the fact that Christ has me in His very capable hands.

A few days ago, I sent out the I REALLY NEED HELP! smoke signal.  The church we went in CT has a prayer page on Facebook and so I asked for prayer.  Things were just stuck!  I could feel myself come apart at the seams with impatience.  So I asked for prayer for the decisions on the publishers.  Then I started reading a book by Terry Blackstock, one of my favorite authors.  Her book just happened to be about a woman who wants to get a record deal and wants to make her mark.  She writes these amazing worship songs, but she wants to be out there, singing for the masses.  I want that!  But that is not what God has in store for me.  At least I don't think so.  In the end the young woman realized that she had a great impact on the people who heard her songs.  She impacted youth groups and small intimate settings.  It hit me.

I don't want to play the publishing game.  I knew that from the beginning.  And here I was trying so hard to get into the game.  All I want is to get the story out there.  I will be happy just to go around to churches and talk about the journey God has got me on and to talk about the books.  I want to make a difference with the stories in other people's lives.  There is nothing that tells me that I have to have someone publish my books.  There are printing companies who will print the books, without the publisher.  I just got this really overwhelming sense of rightness and peace, when I realized that I didn't have to worry about how the story got out there.  God would do that part.  I had done my part, the writing part.  My responsibility, once again, was to keep that in mind.  Not to let myself be swept away by the moment, by the confusion of a decision that is not really mine to make.

When I was thinking through all these things, something pretty amazing happened.  Nobody other than me has read my stories.  The publisher read a little bit of it, but other than that, nobody has read anything.  We were doing school (it was a rare moment, I can tell you that) and Logan was having fun with his assignment (another really rare moment).  I thought, hey I'm powered up!  I can work on this story I am doing right now.  Logan looks up and I am chuckling.  He asks what I'm writing.  I tell him a little bit of the story.  He asks if I could read some of it to him.

Eek!  I find myself in a corner.  I don't think he would like what I am writing.  It is, after all, a girly story really.  But I am at a really good part.  So I read him the part I am writing.  He gets all excited about this story and wants me to read him the whole thing.  There are parts where he is in tears.  Hey, a captive audience!  I read the whole thing to him and he loved it!  It wasn't even a kid story either.  But he was totally into the whole thing.  That was really, really satisfying!  Sharing the story with Logan and watching what I put my characters through make an impact on him was really powerful.

I leave you with the pictures of the pup.  Yes, he is cold!  And he has a new friend.  His name is Prancer, and yes he does.  Of course Chet is a couch potato right now, covered up nice and snug.  Sometimes only his nose peaks out.  But compared to last year he is doing so much better.

Stay warm in this frigid weather.  Brrr!  Can't wait for spring.

Come one come all

 

Merry Christmas everyone.  I am sorry that it's been a while since I have written a blog.  There is so much going on that it is sometimes hard to share it all.  No, the house is not finished.  But I don't really care.  We are happy where God has put us and we are learning to live within the means that we have right now.  Complaining happens sometimes and so does the nagging but they are few and far between. 



We just spent Thanksgiving in Connecticut with the in-laws.  I can tell you that it was quite

Natasha the turkey

interesting with the nieces and nephews running around with each other, singing at the top of their voices the tunes from the latest Disney movie.  And yes, my 20 year old daughter was one of the singers.  It was so much fun to see the younger ones playing along with their older cousins.  Us adults were well behaved, as you might imagine, when the Perreault clan gets together.  I have no evidence of any strange behaviors of adults, such as the conga backrub line.  For more incriminating evidence, visit my facebook page.  

I am not dinner!

   

Conga line for backrubs?

 

 But enough of such silly things.  We are looking forward to Christmas, this year again with the Perreault clan.  It's been a while for us to spend Christmas eve with them.  We are looking forward to it.  But anyway, I didn't set out to write this blog all about our Christmas plans.  I have started this blog three times now, and I am finally trying to get it right.

 

I think by now everyone knows about the fact that I have found a publisher for a great little story I was blessed to write (well it is a very, very long story at 600 pages!!!!!).  I am so excited about it, but at this stage the excitement has faded some and reality is setting in.  When the publisher contacted me in late September, October I would have signed over my children and my dog for the story to get published.  At this point I have calmed down a little.  I am more settled and can think rationally again. 

 

When I was young, I loved stories.  They became a really important part of my life.  I would be happy to snuggle up with a book.  I had trouble sleeping, so at night I would make up incredible and crazy adventures.  When I went to boarding school, my second year was incredibly lonely.  I had no friends.  And when you have school until one in the afternoon, there is a lot of time for nothing.  I was very studious at that time, because I had a lofty goal.  But there was still a lot of time for me, myself and I.  So we made up this story and over the years it became more and more important to me.  I would retreat to my imagination whenever things got rough. 

 

Fast forward ten years ago.  I was in a really hard place in my life.  Things were tough and I couldn't face them.  My wonderful hero husband went to bat for me and finally got me out of the mess I was in, but in the meantime, I retreated.  I was in such a bad place, that often time I didn't even get out of bed.  I would stay in my room, more importantly in my imagination.  It was a very cozy place.  A place I found comfort in.  When the whole mess was over, I finally came out of my little happy place and rejoined the rest of the family again. 

 

It was then that God started talking to me.  He wanted me to stop running to my imagination.  He wanted me to stop daydreaming!  The audacity!  I couldn't!  I was so involved with the characters in my mind, that they had become real and important to me.   In the end I said that I just couldn't stop talking to my friends (characters in the story).  I argued again and again about the impossibility (hint: don't argue with the creator of the universe.  I seem to be doing that a lot!).  This went on for quite some time.  I tried to stop daydreaming but in the end I would always go back.  It was like an addiction when I was depressed.  So then I got my little awakening.  He said to me, you are having an adulterous relationship!  Yikes!  That got my attention!  I asked how to stop and we worked out a pretty good plan.  I have not gone back to that dark place where I need my story to make it through the day.  So now fast forward to early this year.  I was done with the story I wrote for Tasha (10 years in the making) and I thought, that was fun.  What's next, God?      

 I did not expect and answer right away but I got one, and it was a little scary.  I shared last blog that He wanted me to write 'the story'.  Well, I argued again.  Like I shared, it would be too personal.  As I finally started opening my heart to hear what God had to say to me, I began to say, all right.  But I can't trust my heart, because I want to go back and see how my characters are doing.  In my heart I was afraid that if I went back, I would start to run to my imagination every time the going got tough again.  So, God just asked me to trust Him and to obey.  I was willing to let Him lead me all the way.  And over the next couple of weeks, it became obvious that God wanted me to write the story.

Here is what He shared with me as I wrote.  He shared that there was going to be a lot of healing, and I, of course, thought that I was doing just fine.  Well, there was a lot of healing.  He showed me that through the creative process how much fun He had creating me.  Since I was His creation, He was not just going to sit back and watch from afar.  He wanted to be intimately involved with my life.  He also showed me that when the chips are down, He is right there beside me.  I was writing a particular hard part of the story and I was grieving for my characters.  In that moment I knew that in ten or more pages all the hardships would be over.  That is the same with God.  He is right there beside us when we go through hardships and he is cheering us on.  Because He knows the end results!  Just like I knew the end result of the story, He knows the outcome of mine.  And just like me as the author, He does not just leave me hanging.  What a beautiful picture He gave me.

He also talked to me about the adulterous part.  It was not because of the content of my story, but it

was by retreating into my own little world, I was shutting out the rest of the world.  My kids couldn't follow me into my imagination.  I was the only one who could.  And so by me writing it down, He brought this story that I had kept in my darkest imagination into the light!  Now, everyone can read it.  And that is why this story will be published!  But not on my own time line.  When God deems it's time, there will be nothing stopping me!  That is soooo cool.  He brought about a lot of healing just by brining out the story into the light.

So I really hope that this story will be out there soon, but I am willing to take a breath and not run on my emotions.  I am glad that we took a step back from when the publisher contacted me.  I needed to think things through.  And it is giving Tom a chance to look through my story.  He has done a really good job looking through it and talking about little areas that didn't quite flow well.  So, prayers are definitely appreciated.

Because whoever knows me, knows how incredibly patient (NOT) I am.  I would have liked to have seen this story in the stores by Christmas, but that is not going to happen.  And I have to be all right with that.  Because when it does come out, and it will, it has to be really good.  I can't change the way people see me when they read what I have written.  I put my thoughts out there for others to see and to evaluate.  That is one scary thought.  So, we are going to work on it some more. 

I don't really care if I offend someone with what I write, but I care to represent my Lord with honor.  I have to share the story about my laptop.  The thing is now 13 years old, okay!  It has seen better days.  When I started writing this story, I was praying that I would continue to write until God shut me down.  And that laptop was pretty iffy if it would start.  So, as I started writing, trusting and obeying what God had told me to do, the thing just started getting better and better!  I'm not kidding you!  I had a hinge that was busted.  Sean tried to fix it, and it just kept popping out.  It's fixed!  It just fixed itself (well not really, you get the picture?).  As I was writing there were a lot of verses God And Mary said, behold the Lord's handmaiden.  Be it onto me according to thy word."  That verse became so real to me.  I was living it.  So I decorated my laptop with the verses God was giving me.  Tasha drew a beautiful soaring bald eagle on the front and I wrote the verses around it.  I have to admit I got the idea from Sean.
was talking to me about, but one of them was really important to me.  "

There was a part of the story that made me realize just how involved God is in whatever I do.  I was at home, writing away.  It was a great part of the story.  And I was rubbing my hands together in glee.  Suddenly the laptop died!  Just shut down.  I was plugged in and everything.  It hadn't given me

any problems since I started writing.  And I just lost ten pages of the very juicy part of my story!  Okay, I prayed pleading that this wasn't it for my short writing career, and started it up again.  Yup, it stared right up.  I wrote and wrote along the same line I had gone before.  And it shut down on me again.  So I booted up again, without problems and on I went.  Again, lost it when it shut down on me.  I was done!  The next day were are in my office (McDonalds) and I thought about why the stupid laptop kept on shutting down.  Then I realized it.  The story was taking a route where God wasn't honored!  He didn't want me to write that way.  I switched and reworked the story.  The computer hasn't shut down on me since!  I thought that was absolutely amazing!

I hope that this story is an encouragement for you during a time that for many can be really tough.  I want you to be encouraged.  And hope you have a Merry Christmas!

Who am I?

 Hello everyone and I am sorry that I haven't bothered you in a while.  I have been thinking of what to write to you and really, nothing came to mind until recently.  I have to be honest with you. I really didn't have anything to report on the house.  That doesn't mean nothing is going on.  The weeds are growing really well this year.  The garden is blooming with weeds and the house is still there.  With Tom's work it is very hard for him to get some time to just do something.  And then he is usually exhausted when he comes home.  I don't quite get that.  I mean, the guy is out at four in the morning driving and hefting heavy boxes until sometimes six at night.

I do have another confession to make.  I have not really wanted to write a blog.  I have been too busy doing my own thing.  But more of that later.  We had a chance to have a wonderful vacation with the whole family in German, something we haven't been able to do for five or six years.  My parents celebrated fifty years of marriage and we were able to celebrate with them and family and friends.  It was a really wonderful time and I am so thankful to have been there.  Seeing people I haven't seen in, well 25 years, was really cool.  We got to spend time with the cousins and saw everyone in the family.  It was a precious time.  We also got to go and take a trip to the Mosel river in central Germany.  What a gorgeous area!  I also got to get my first speeding ticket ever!!!  Fun, fun!  I  hope my Dad sends me the picture.  I would love to see my sister's too.  It was her fault!  I'm kidding! 

School has started and it has been hard for me this year.  But once we get down to it, we do really well.  We have a great time.  I have been allowing myself to do something I never thought I would admit to, let alone dream of sharing with others.  But that is not the point of this blog.

People say that writing is good for you and that you can learn things about yourself.  It is therapeutic.  I never understood that.  I always had to write and I hated it!  I was very bad at it too.  But lately God is working on me in areas that I never thought I would visit.  That is what I want to share with you, so pull up a chair, grab some beverage of choice and make yourselves comfortable.  It's gonna take some time to explain.

There are not many pictures of myself that I like.  I always wondered why that was.  I always hated that thing being pointed at me.  I was never thin enough, my smile was never good enough, my eyes were never looking in the right direction, whatever you can name, I thought it!  I was stuck in a bad place.  I think a lot of women/girls are stuck there.  When I was a kid, I hated being stuck with the girls.  Ugh, girls!  I was not going to do what they did.  I was cool!  I played with the cars, the guns, climbed the trees (not too well), and did tomboy things. 

And in my heart, I knew things weren't right.  I wanted to be a girl, but I didn't want to be considered a second rate citizen!  No, not me.  Girl things were out!  In my heart and in my room I did all the girl things.  I played with the bardies, did the doll thing and even danced to music.  Yup, I was a closet girl! 

Okay, you got the back story here?  Good, now moving on.  I carried that with me everywhere, the closet girl.  I dressed in baggy jeans, baggy sweaters anything to avoid being a girl.  I had a hair cut like Rod Steward my first year at boarding school!!!  It didn't look too bad, actually.  I carried that into my relationships and my family.  I was still the closet girl/woman. 

Fast forward, twelve years ago.  I win a computer.  I have some time on my hand and I start writing a story for my daughter because I just couldn't stand what is out there for her age group.  I share with my friend who reads a little bit.  Her comment is, "You're a writer!"  Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha, eh, no!
I don't have a degree in writing, journalism and my papers in English came back dripping with red ink!  I am not a writer!  Since that time I have come to write more, and more and more and now I have this crazy blog!  Fast forward to last year: I finished Tasha's story (yes, 12 years later)!  Now what?  Write another one, I am told by the Boss.  Not a chance! 

Because this one is close to my heart!  I can't let people see the things that are in my heart, can I?  Write the story, the words just keep popping into my heart.  No, thank you!  I won't!  Because this story has been part of me from the beginning of time.  Yes, but I will make you whole if you trust me and write the story.  True enough.  Through writing the story that has been on my heart for the last thirty years, I have come to realize something and so much more.

I am a hopeless romantic!  There, it is out!  I admit it!  Give me a good old fashioned romance and I will cry with the best of them.  I also realize that it is okay to be a woman. Mmmm, that was really hard to admit.  It is okay to be whom God has created me to be.  It is okay that there are limitations on who I am.  I am not superwoman, I am not a supermodel, I am  just a woman!  And that is totally all right.  Just because I am a woman doesn't mean that I am a second class citizen.  I have been created!  Most importantly I was created a woman.  Scripture tells me that I was knit together in my mother's womb. 

My mother knitted when I was young.  To picture that God took out the needles and knit me together is a little ludicrous to me, but it is true all the same.  His word also tells me that I was fearfully and wonderfully made! Yikes, me?  I would agree that maybe if I were a boy I would be fearfully and wonderfully made but me?  Yes!  I, a woman, am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Realizing that the same God, who spoke and there was light, took His knitting needles and made me to be who I am is really incredibly humbling and it is so comforting.

I don't have anything to prove!  Here I am, I have a masters degree in teaching and pretty much in horsemanship, I can get on any  horse and not make a fool of myself anymore, I homeschool three kids, and I am building my own house with my husband.  But I really don't have to prove that I can.  Because He has made me.  And even if I didn't do any of those things, I would still be fearfully and wonderfully made.  That same God Who knitted me together and Who fearfully and wonderfully created me in His image (wow, He is a creator) created me to be a woman, a mother, a wife, and so much more.

I have been made complete!  Not because I am all that!  No, the same creator who created me also send His only son and He died for me!  A woman!  He shed His blood to cover me and protect me!  Emm, no, that is impossible, because I am only a woman.  But it is possible, because I am His child, no matter what!  I am not afraid to admit that I am a woman. 

The picture at the top of the page was sent by my parents.  I like the picture.  I think it is the best picture of me yet to date.  That is the way I see myself at this point in time.  I am just another woman on the street.  I have nothing left to prove!  I cry, I laugh and I make goofy faces if you point a camera at me.  Although that may change now.  I may not even care anymore what I look like. 
    

The nice thing about being in Germany for my parent's 50th anniversary, is that 25 years ago Tom and I got married.  I love being whom God has made me into.  I am free not to be just a woman, but one who was created in the image of God!  I can't say that I am ashamed of that, can I now?

 

Meant to thrive

And a happy early summer/late spring day to you, my friends and family.  I hope you are enjoying the weather as much as we are out here in the wilderness.  Kidding, on the wilderness part, sort of.  It has been a while since I bothered you last with my reports, so I'm sure you have missed me.  We have now reached summer time even here in Vermont.  The last couple of days have been beautiful and we have had the great pleasure of swimming and biking and doing a lot of summer fun things.  More of that in a moment. 


We were able to plant our raised bed, thanks to Natasha, and we don't have to scramble down to the river every time because Tom fashioned rain barrels for our garden.  They work really well.  We have had a bunch of huge weeds to contend with and Sean was so kind to give his father a weed whacker for father's day.  The garden looks so much nicer again and we can now get to the beds.

I don't want to have Logan drive!

Logan and I finished school, and got a good report from our evaluator.  We are always happy when that happens.  Now Logan is spending time in his favorite pastime, reading.  We were able to go to some historic sites and Logan had the great pleasure of being able to take a trip with Tom to Canada, Plymouth Plantation and Six Flags this spring. 

 Natasha and Sean are busy with their jobs.  Natasha is enjoying her job a lot still and is working a good many hours.  She is usually very tired and her feet hurt when she comes home.  But she always wears a smile, whether she is having a good day or not.  That makes her so special and such a blessing to me.  Sean has recently given his notice to his boss, Roland.  It was time for him to take the next step in his life.  He had been praying about it for a while and it seemed that God moved him away, finally.  He is now only working for one other person and mostly for himself!  That is such an accomplishment and at 23 years old, I have to hand it to him.  He has the beginning of a thriving business, with over 70 horses to service.  He works hard and long hours but he does it with a great attitude and care for his clients and their animals.  Aww, that's my boy!

So now we come to me, myself and I.  We are all doing pretty good.  We are having a good time with each other (just kidding).  A couple of weeks ago I had this idea for this blog.  I have been listening to the music of Casting Crowns and one of their songs really touched me, Thrive.  And I started to think about what is the meaning of thriving.

From a worldly standpoint we are not thriving!  How could we?  Come on, we have no running water (still not), no electricity, no real bathroom, and none of the luxuries we are so used to and expect to have wherever we go.  How can we talk about thriving in a place that lacks those basic needs.  On top of everything, I ran over the chord to the charger to our phone.  The company is being difficult so we now don't even have our home phone.  How is that thriving?  And still, I know we are thriving. 

As I mentioned earlier Sean is now 23 years old and Natasha is 19.  They should be out on their own!  How ridiculous for them to be living at home still.  And yet... it is my great pleasure to have my grown 'children' (please forgive me for calling you children) staying with us.  Not because we make them stay with us, but because they are happy to do so.  There is something special about having them around, and those who have the pleasure of grown children around, can testify to that.  We are thriving.  We have been put together into this situation and we are not moping about (okay we sometimes do mope) and complain about what we don't have or how they want to move out because their parents are crazy(all right, they do mention the parents are crazy sometimes)!  I see more and more families living in the same house and I think it is pretty cool.  We are thriving not because of what we have or don't have.  We are thriving because we know where our hope is.  That hope is not dependent on our situations.  We may have bad days when nothing is working out, but we are still thriving.

Tasha and I are reading through a book called "Kisses for Katie" together.  I mentioned it before and have read it before, but it is such a great reminder of thriving where you have been placed.  There are bad days, believe me I've had a couple of bad ones recently.  But I worked through them, not alone but with someone pulling me along with Him. 

The other day I was feeling pretty low and just wondering again what the point of moving up here away from friends and family was.  To live in a house not finished, to live off the land (yup we wanted it) isn't always easy.  I had just had a couple of really great days.  After starting "Kisses for Katie" I really didn't look for opportunities to see people, it just happened.  I was able to give a smile here and a kind word there to perfect strangers.  That was pretty cool. 

And then Saturday happened!  It ended up being a good day, because I did something I would normally not ever have done.  I had gone into Claremont to do some shopping and to get a chord for my phone at Verizon.  Turns out that I was not able to get it, even after returning to the store several times.  By the time I left the store I was steaming mad!  How dare they treat me, a customer, so poorly!  I had rights (again those rights)!  And then I was driving home, steaming mad, and the thought started nagging at me.  If that had been Natasha who was serving you, would you have spoken to her like that?  We are hearing a lot of stories from her about people with not so good attitudes.  I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me, hey Christ died for that guy too.  He was just doing his job, to his best ability.  I was half way back to Springfield, when I finally couldn't stand it anymore.  "All right already, I will go back to the store and apologize for my crappy attitude."  I turned around and as I was getting closer to the store I started rationalizing that I really had rights and didn't have to go back.  The clerk had it coming to him.  I almost chickened out!  I needed courage!  So I took a deep breath and prayed quickly for intervention and walked yet again into the store.

The clerk saw me coming and gave me a half smile, probably thinking oh great, her again.  I just quickly walked up to him and apologized for my bad attitude and thanked him for helping me.  He asked if I got the phone all squared away and I told him that I hadn't.  It was just a phone!  That took him by surprise but at that time I was out of the store already.  So, what did my going back do?  I have no idea!  It's not up to me!

And that leads us back to the other day when I was down and lonely and feeling sorry for myself (I was focused on me, myself and I not on what God had for me).  The kids rode their bikes down to the river, and I was getting milk and picking them up (all downhill to the river, but up back to the house).  I sat down and it hit me.  There was nowhere in CT (no offense) I could have taken the kids to swim in a river like this.  The setting was so quiet, so beautiful.  I turned my perspective back to what God had given me, instead of moping about what I didn't have.  That is thriving!  The next moment my friend Sandy pulled into the parking spot next to us.  She had just felt led to stop and chat.  It ended up that her kids came down and they all had a great time swimming that day and the next!  Thriving!  Not because I could have come up with this great plan for my day, but because He came up with the great plan for my day!  How cool is that?  I'll take it any time over having a completed house.

I hope you thrive wherever you have been put.  Have a wonderful day, week, month, year, life!  Thrive!