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I want to first update you on the status of the house. Yes, we are actually moving forward. Every step is a forward step, really. We have been trying to keep up with the wood to keep warm. No, we
weren't able to get all the wood we needed to heat the house this summer because Tom worked so many hours. I am not one of those chainsaw toting, ax-swinging wives. I will support my husband while he swings his ax and chainsaw with prayers and hugs when he stumbles back into the house without blood gushing from a wound. I observe from a distance. So while we have been able to find wood to burn to keep us warm, it also keeps us busy. Sometimes too busy. But it's all good, really. 
As you can see that even in the dead of winter my boys are out there. Tom and the boys have started on the addition to the house that will soon (hopefully) become our bathroom. It is so exciting to see. I have forgotten how fun it is to see these things go up. We didn't cut our own
wood because we barely can keep up with the heat demands. So we cheated! Bought the wood. Hey, it's all right! Anything to get this thing done. Tom and Logan were up there in pretty cold temperatures getting the structure up. When Sean has time he gives a helping hand. Tash and I are huddled inside under blankets, reading or writing.So, we come to the part of the blog that really doesn't have anything to do with building a house or living in a half built house. Been there, done that.
My life has to go on. And it does. We all know that I have been so blessed recently that I have found someone who would publish my book. Tom started reading it, and although he complained a little bit at the beginning that it was not written for him (no duh!) he is getting into the story and has given me some really good pointers to make the story a whole lot better. But he is still working on it! And still working on it!
In the last couple of months or so it has been very difficult for me to be patient. I know, that is a shocker for those of you who know me really well. My father and I are really patient. Hey, I hear you snickering! None of that!Before my birthday I started thinking a lot of what will happen when my poor computer, which had been such a blessing to me, would die. I had to face the fact that at 13 years old, it really wasn't going to be around much longer. So talking to Tom, he told me not to worry. I would get another computer. Well, it happened! My computer died. It died as I was writing a story that was pretty difficult to write. I had backed it all up, thought! Yeah, I'm learning. I had a new computer within a month. I couldn't believe it. It was great and it is a really nice computer. So now we have four computers in the family. And it calls for interesting evenings. Everyone is glued to their computers. I love it because for the first time I can write at home and my computer works without having to charge it continually.
Back to the patient thing. The thing is I have given my writing completely to God, but sometimes I still want a piece of it. I want to hang on to it. With Tom taking his time editing, it has me grounding my molars and twisting my hands, waiting impatiently for him to finish his part. Then there is the whole publishing nightmare! I know I have a publisher, who will publish this story for a fee. That is no problem. The problem is that every time I try to get together with her, something comes up! We don't meet. I am paying attention. It is possible that God does not want me to go with her, for some reason. Her job may just have been to give me the reassurance that I can get this published. I don't know. A few weeks ago I contacted another publisher. Sean had mentioned that Zondervan, a huge Christian publishing company (if you have a bible it was published by Zondervan), is looking for new authors. I go onto their website and check around, not sure what I should do. But I sign up with West Bow, a division of Zondervan for self publishing, and talk to a rep. Yes, they would publish me no problem. They would be a lot cheaper and there would be a lot of options with them. They send me the contact and Tom and I go through it. It is so confusing! Neither of us has a good feeling about this. But I want it! I am ready to sign. Tom is cautious, very cautious!
My problem is, once again, that I really want to go out there and make my mark! I want it so bad that I don't care if the company takes most of the profits on top of charging me for the printing and such. So Tom and I get into the repeated argument. You are not moving quick enough! (That would be me) and It's not time for a publisher yet! (That would be Tom). My patience was wearing extremely thin! I start to think that my husband is standing between me and my dream. He is holding me back! Then I am reminded of how if I had listened to him ten years ago, I would have been spared a lot of heartache and trouble. I hope you can feel my frustration.
On top of everything there was confusion. Researching the publishing industry and trying to figure out what my next move was sent my into confusion. Things were just not lining up with the way I thought they should be. Now there is a statement, that is pretty true. "If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plan." Well, I was trying to tell God my plan! I didn't exactly hear Him laugh though.
What He did do was keep reminding me, that He hasn't forgotten about me. So many times when I just want to throw in the towel and say that I give up. That I really have NO business writing and trying to get something published! So I start to listen to the enemy. But God comes through with His little love messages to me. The other day I was confused, distraught and just done. I knew that I would never get published. I go on Facebook and there is a message for me. "I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." Little love messages in the everyday life aimed right at my heart and I just stand there shaking my head in thankfulness. I serve a great and powerful God! Nothing is outside His control.
So here I am, confused and frustrated! Things are just not moving fast enough and I can see my hope of becoming a best selling author slipping through my fingers. Those love messages from God sustain me on some days but most of the days, I am focused so much on when that book gets published, that I loose the rest I have in Christ. I know, shocking! I go back onto the roller coast ride that I so don't like. I focus on the here and now, not on the fact that Christ has me in His very capable hands.
A few days ago, I sent out the I REALLY NEED HELP! smoke signal. The church we went in CT has a prayer page on Facebook and so I asked for prayer. Things were just stuck! I could feel myself come apart at the seams with impatience. So I asked for prayer for the decisions on the publishers. Then I started reading a book by Terry Blackstock, one of my favorite authors. Her book just happened to be about a woman who wants to get a record deal and wants to make her mark. She writes these amazing worship songs, but she wants to be out there, singing for the masses. I want that! But that is not what God has in store for me. At least I don't think so. In the end the young woman realized that she had a great impact on the people who heard her songs. She impacted youth groups and small intimate settings. It hit me.
I don't want to play the publishing game. I knew that from the beginning. And here I was trying so hard to get into the game. All I want is to get the story out there. I will be happy just to go around to churches and talk about the journey God has got me on and to talk about the books. I want to make a difference with the stories in other people's lives. There is nothing that tells me that I have to have someone publish my books. There are printing companies who will print the books, without the publisher. I just got this really overwhelming sense of rightness and peace, when I realized that I didn't have to worry about how the story got out there. God would do that part. I had done my part, the writing part. My responsibility, once again, was to keep that in mind. Not to let myself be swept away by the moment, by the confusion of a decision that is not really mine to make.
When I was thinking through all these things, something pretty amazing happened. Nobody other than me has read my stories. The publisher read a little bit of it, but other than that, nobody has read anything. We were doing school (it was a rare moment, I can tell you that) and Logan was having fun with his assignment (another really rare moment). I thought, hey I'm powered up! I can work on this story I am doing right now. Logan looks up and I am chuckling. He asks what I'm writing. I tell him a little bit of the story. He asks if I could read some of it to him.
Eek! I find myself in a corner. I don't think he would like what I am writing. It is, after all, a girly story really. But I am at a really good part. So I read him the part I am writing. He gets all excited about this story and wants me to read him the whole thing. There are parts where he is in tears. Hey, a captive audience! I read the whole thing to him and he loved it! It wasn't even a kid story either. But he was totally into the whole thing. That was really, really satisfying! Sharing the story with Logan and watching what I put my characters through make an impact on him was really powerful.
I leave you with the pictures of the pup. Yes, he is cold! And he has a new friend. His name is Prancer, and yes he does. Of course Chet is a couch potato right now, covered up nice and snug. Sometimes only his nose peaks out. But compared to last year he is doing so much better.
Stay warm in this frigid weather. Brrr! Can't wait for spring.
